Tool Time has the Tools and the Technology

By Iron Orr on 3/4/2010

Lincoln Park, MI - Like Steve Austin, "a man barely alive" after a terrible accident in a Northrup M2-F2 in the 1970's TV series "The Six Million Dollar Man," Tool Time was a man whose hockey game was barely alive until he recently emerged from successful, but season-ending, shoulder surgery. Since the surgery was completed about a month ago, Tool Time has been working to rehabilitate the shoulder in preparation for the 2010-2011 FNHC season next fall.

"At this point, I do feel kinda like the Six Million Dollar Man," smiled Tool Time, "even though my surgery only cost about $230,000."

The prospect of the shoulder surgery enhancing the velocity of Tool Time's slap shot has stirred fear in many FNHC players especially Goalie Gump. "I've taken Tool Time's slap shot in the facemask, in the neck, in the gut, in the groin and directly on my ball sack, so believe me when I tell you I'm not sure I'll be able to stand in net if he comes back with some Steve Austin bionic slap shot power next year."

LiteSide defenseman Frey expressed his agreement with Gump: "I like to get down on the ice and block shots in the defensive end, but if Tool Time's shot gets harder and faster, no way I'm getting in the way."

League Offices have been staying close to the situation and evaluating Tool Time's rehab on a weekly basis. "We are comfortable where he's at right now," the FNHC Commissioner said in a prepared statement, "per league rules, but only as a matter of course, there will be a full investigation into the surgical procedures and supplies used to execute Tool Time's shoulder surgery. We want to be sure that the entire surgical process meets with the strict standards set forth in the FNHC bylaws forbidding performance-enhancing surgical procedures or parts being used on our players."

Tool Time, an FNHC player whose game was barely alive... "We can rebuild him. We have the technology."