MERCY! The LiteSide Left Looking for Answers After Ludicrous Loss

By Iron Orr on 11/18/2009

Trenton, MI - The power of the DarkSide could not be denied this Friday night at the Ice Box in Trenton. During pre-game warmups the presence of the DarkSide team permeated the chilled air in Rink B. Tool Time, Batman, Domi, Vunderkindt, CJ, Wolverine, Slava and La Package, along with some fresh DarkSide blood, skated in front of goal tender Esposito creating a hockey force of focus and determination, gelling together like Slava chilling in his Dr. Scholls.

The LiteSide team of Pops, Ivan, Vito, Brutus Buckeye, Mailman, Iron Orr, Frey, and some fresh LiteSide meat warmed up Dano in the LiteSide zone. Appearing loose and undaunted by the hockey oneness staring at them from across the rink, the LiteSide unwarily worked up a pre-game sweat for nothing.

In the first period, the DarkSide, led by the offensive triumvirate of Tool Time, Batman and Domi, jumped out to a 5-0 lead and did not look back. Despite a valiant effort by Mailman and the LiteSide to get back in the game in the first period, at the end of the first period the DarkSide maintained its five goal lead at 12-7. "We scored some easy goals early on in the period," said Tool Time as he skated to the locker room for the first intermission, "that pretty much set the tone we were working to set."

The second period was more of the same for the LiteSide. After a quick burst of goals by Mailman and Brutus, the LiteSide cut the lead early in the 2nd period to 11-9, but the DarkSide answered with four consecutive goals regaining a 5+ goal lead 16-9 halfway through the period. The trend continued through the remainder of the period with the LiteSide desperately trying to break the large DarkSide lead and get into position to make a game of it in the final period.

But it was not to be as the DarkSide stiffened up in its own zone and created offensive opportunities with fast rushes up ice and nifty passing in front of the LiteSide net. At the end of the 2nd period, the DarkSide led 21-16 and the LiteSide's hopes for victory, though slim, were still on the minds of the LiteSide team.

When the puck was dropped to start the 3rd period, it was the beginning of the end for the LiteSide. Tool Time struck early from the slot with a low, hard slapshot. Then another from the point. And a back-hand wrist shot found the upper corner of the net over Dano's blocker side. The rout was on.

Vunderkindt got in the mix with a laser to the top of the net that not only knocked the water bottle off the net, but split it open before it landed on the ice and the water leaked onto the frozen surface. On the ensuing possession, Vunderkindt stole the puck from Iron Orr, slid it over to Batman at center ice. Batman passed up ice to Tool Time who completed the zig-zag offensive display by redirecting the puck to a wide open Domi at the front of the net who softly deposited the puck in the back of the LiteSide net.

Now Domi's fuse was lit. He single-handedly stole the puck from a LiteSide player, skated through the LiteSide zone (note - no defenders in sight) and deked Dano to score another easy, uncontested goal. Then, to add insult to injury, he stole the puck twice more and scored each time for not only a natural hat trick, but three goals in a row and his third hat trick of the night.

Next, Batman took his turn scoring high, low, 5-hole, left-side, right-side, from every conceivable angle. Game over. The DarkSide had officially cemented its position in first place with a 4-2 record and 4 unanswered W's.

As smoke emanated from the back of the DarkSide half of the Saloka Scoring Units "MERCY!" was called by League Offices. In the end, the score showed DarkSide 49 LiteSide 16. Not one LiteSide goal was scored in the mercifully shortened third period.

"They were so good tonight it was stupid," lamented Iron Orr, "Tool Time was stupid-good. Everything he did worked tonight. Offense, defense, it didn't matter. We couldn't stop him. I'm not sure we even wanted to after his early 3rd quarter barrage. And Domi. What do you want me to say? Pick the superlative. He was everywhere. Batman was his same old loud self, but at least he backed it up tonight. Don't forget about Vunderkindt either. When he gets it going, they're impossible to stop. He had it going in spades tonight."

And so it was this past Friday night at the Ice Box. Another night of uncompetitive hockey and another first for the FNHC. For the first time in the 15 year history of Friday Night Hockey Club hockey, the FNHC Mercy Rule was put into effect. Rule 3b Section R subsection ii: "In the course of an FNHC hockey game, if one team should gain more than a 10 point lead on the other and begin to score at will with little or no opposition being put forth by the opposing team, and wherefore the team with the lead shows no sign of calling off the dogs, whence, alas, the game has passed the five-minute mark of the third period, League Offices may invoke the FNHC Mercy Rule thereby ending the on-ice bloodletting and officially ending the game thence in progress."