LiteSide 28 - DarkSide 16 Another FNHC Blowout!

By Iron Orr on 12/9/2009

Trenton, MI - As the teams unloaded their hockey gear from their cars in the parking lot at the Ice Box, the cold weather outside belied the hot action that was about to ensue on Rink B inside the old downriver arena. An interesting mix of players filed into locker rooms 1 and 3, with a number of unexpected players absent from this weeks activity.

No sign of Domi, no Pronger, no Ivan, no Ringer, no Vito, no No Name, no MailMan, Prancer, no Comet, no Blitzen. But in their stead stood Slava, Iron Orr, Big D and Salming, so two full squads were divided among the respective LiteSide and DarkSide locker rooms. A surprise player entered the LiteSide locker room, Vunderkindt, quickly evening up the talent and giving the LiteSide hope. Then when Salming walked in sporting a well-rested grin, hope turned to confidence and a new LiteSide outlook was born.

The two teams took the ice and the LiteSide imposed its will early on the DarkSide with three quick goals and an early 3-0 lead. The fourth unanswered goal by the LiteSide's dynamic duo of Vunderkindt and Salming finally evoked the attention of the DarkSide which began to pick up their play on both ends of the ice. ToolTime was flying around, frantically trying to stem the DarkSide bleeding. His efforts paid off with a goal and a nice assist to his cousin Batman cutting the LiteSide lead to 4-2.

Ah, but soon enough ToolTime's heroic efforts turned against him. On a race for a loose puck, ToolTime realized Iron Orr would beat him to the puck, so he made a hard hockey-stop in front of the newest LiteSider and sprayed him with a shower of ice chips and frosty ice dust leaving a deep gash in the ice where he stopped. "How do you like that Mo!," ToolTime yelled as Iron Orr moved easily up ice with the puck, past ToolTime and into the DarkSide zone.

The LiteSide failed to score on the rush up ice and on the DarkSide's ensuing possession ToolTime hustled into the LiteSide zone with Big D pushing the puck up ice to Pops. Pops missed the pass, and ToolTime swooped hard across the blue line to pick up the loose puck.

Unfortunately, he swooped a little too hard, caught his skate in the hole he left after showering Iron Orr with ice and "swish!" his skates left the ice. ToolTime rose silently, flailing his arms and legs in the air, suspending for a moment at the apex of his rise, then crashing "thump" and landing shoulder-first on the hard, frozen, unforgiving ice. The horn sounded drowning out ToolTime's gasp and moans, and so ended the first period: LiteSide 5, DarkSide 2.

When the puck dropped to start the 2nd period, the LiteSide continued its onslaught on the DarkSide defense. Salming scored, Vunderkindt too and even Iron Orr tallied a nice one past an inebriated Goalie Gump. "This is fun tonight," Salming smiled, "we've got some decent lines going and Gump is half in the bag. Should make for a lot of LiteSide goals tonight."

And Salming was right. The LiteSide scored so many goals in the first half of the 2nd period, it was beginning to unhinge the reason of one DarkSide player. Previously not known to instigate rough play on the ice, La Package rushed to cover Slava who was gathering the puck from the boards in the DarkSide zone. La Package didn't bother to attempt to stop, but instead checked Slava hard into the boards, roughed him up and stiff-armed him in the face mask after Slava passed the puck to Vunderkindt.

"Looks like you've got La Package's number, Slava," said Frey, "if we had refs they could have called cross-checking, roughing and unsportsmanlike conduct on him for that one play."

"Not to worry Frey, he's just frustrated," replied Slava, " I mean, look at the scoreboard." And as Frey turned to look at the scoreboard, the horn sounded to end the 2nd period and the luminescent red lights of the Saloka Scoring Units shined: LiteSide 16 DarkSide 5.

The 3rd period was looking like more of the same. ToolTime (now injured), Batman and La Package played helter-skelter, but it wasn't enough to overcome a far superior LiteSide team. Without Domi, who was helping his wife with some Christmas shopping or Ivan, who left his sports bra at home and didn't have time to drive all the way back to get it and return to the Ice Box, the heroic efforts of the DarkSide stars was met with denial and rejection at every point on the ice.

La Package skated into the LiteSide zone, but a hustling Iron Orr overtook him, legally cut inside his stick hand and stole the puck as La Package grunted in disgust.

"I'll get you Iron Orr!" he mumbled under his breath.

Two possessions later, Iron Orr took a pass from Salming in the neutral zone and skated hard into the DarkSide zone. La Package, playing defense for the DarkSide, raised his stick high and skated over to cut off the rushing LiteSide defenseman.

Iron Orr saw him coming out of the corner of his eye and moved to protect the puck. But he should have moved to protect himself as La Package (the Grosse Ile Goon) slashed down hard and fast from high above his head, his flashing stick clashing off the face mask of Iron Orr and slashing hard into his wrists, dislodging the puck from his stick, and his stick from his hands.

"I've never seen La Package so aggressive on the ice; he clearly had an axe to grind tonight for some reason," said the veteran LiteSide defenseman, "I lost the puck on that one, but we won the game. That's what really matters."

The FNHC Department of Internal Affairs (DIA) has launched an investigation into the attack and will review the game tape to determine whether fines or suspensions will be levied. Since this incident involves the league's Commissioner, it had to be referred to the DIA to avoid any conflict of interest with league offices.

"I don't mind a slash here and there during the course of the game," Iron Orr stated in his post-game testimony to the DIA, "that's hockey. But when a guy comes at you with his stick slashing down from above his head, that's going to get your attention. I'm willing to leave it on the ice though. I have full confidence in the FNHC DIA to come up with the right punishment. Besides, a 28-16 win is something to celebrate. Way more important than some frustration-caused, on-ice slashing incident."